Livorno – Catania in the Drop Zone, 17 certainties and Wesley Snipes

By: Marco | March 1st, 2008

Remember this crap-chute of a movie? If so; why the hell haven’t you erased that memory form your Brain Frame? If not; well lucky you.

See the link just there ? Relegation + Drop Zone + Wesley Snipes + All around suckiness + Money problems + Livorno + Silvio Baldini and voilà !

Wesley -Jungle Fever- Snipes should have quit while he was ahead. Preferably somewhere between White men can’t jump and The Fan or about 28 minutes after the release of Passenger 57. What did he do after that? He dressed up in drag with Patrick Swayze and then starting killing vampires in a ghetto-esque, euro trash-esque and gothic-esque woeful trilogy called Blade. Whichever version you prefer to hate is entirely up to you. (I mean how can a movie featuring Jessica Biel’s ass be so crappy?)

See what happens to your career when you decide to fuck with the IRS Wesley ? bad things, Demolition Man style bad things

On with the game !

This match will probably be an easy on the eye seeing how the 2 squads can’t afford to lose and will both be looking for 3 points. It should be a great relegation battle with bad defending and goals galore. Plus the fact that Suave Fashionista Silvio Baldini is bringing his classy suits (Not prandelli-esque but close) to Livorno on Sunday. This encounter has all the ingredients for a delicious Calcio delight.

Baldini’s Catania is coming off a midweek Milan draw and will be looking to get as far away from the drop zone as possible. Silvio, you’ve come to the wrong place my friend. The Picchi will not be looking to help you guys out. Livorno has another mean streak coming. La squadra labronica a.k.a. the Amaranto Liberation Army needs to bounce back after taking only 2 points from the last 2 games. Has Fernando Orsi been putting on a GC Camolese suit for the last 7 games ? Aldo- The Volcano*- Spinelli is fuming and has just reserved another lot on that Coach Cemetary behind the Picchi he just happens to own. GC watch out ! What the hell is going on ?

* The Volcano happens to be the nickname Aldo uses when he wrestles on the weekend. Once upon a time, it was also his stripper name, but that’s a whole other post…

17 certainties :

1- Francesco Tavano’s presence is indispensable to this team. This isn’t Valencia FT, we need you!

2- Aldo’s pissed

3- Diamanti’s on fire. He only needs to polish his great skills. The last 2 free kicks he took hit the Post against Inter and went in against Napoli. Can’t wait to see him partner FT

4- Edgar Alvarez is fast ! The Honduran’s useless but fast as fuck nonetheless.

5- Big Bad Bogdani is Big and Bad. He missed a sitter in the Fiorentina game and hasn’t played well at all this season. Where’s the Siena Bogdani ?

6- Martin Bergvold needs to come back ASAP! The young dane’s the only one who manages to link attack and midfield. His blond, yet solid, presence on the pitch

7- Giovanni Pasquale is bi-polar. GP has 2 gears; Good and Awful. Unfortunately, we’ve been seeing more of the woeful as of late. Giovà ! We need to avoid the drop and cash in on your ass at the end of the season, so get it together!

8- Davide Balleri is old

9- Super Depor Diego Tristan has not been seen this year. A part from bobbing and weaving around Matteo Ferrari’s Roma earlier this season, Diego has been nowhere to be found since then. Diego you’re on a 1 year contract and sucking, work it out !

10- I don’t have a number 10

11-g> Jose Vidigal has a problem with his balance. The Portuguese non-international spends more time on his ass than any other player I know not named Pippo or Simo Inzaghi. Only thing is that Vidigal isn’t a diver. He just sucks at standing up and not falling

12- In honour of Mitch Hedberg ; the number 13 is like a scrunched up B. I’ve been to hotels with no 13th floor cause it’s bad luck. But common, people on the 14th floor, you know which floor you’re really on

13- DDV is no DDR

14- To beat Livorno all you need to do is cross the ball in the box or earn set pieces; Livorno can’t freakin’ defend in the 18 yard box ! Head it away damn it!

15- The only reason why Livorno isn’t battling the likes of Foggia or Pescara right now is Marco Amelia. I’m sure that no other goalie has seen as many Serie A shots in the last 4 years. Italia take note, Livorno’s a Great training ground for the future goalies of the NT

16- Gionatha Spinesi and Juan Manuel Vargas will display some more awkward man love this season.

17- Fausto Rossini sucks !!!!

Squads :

Catania :
Bizzarri;
Sardo, Silvestre, Silvestri; Stovini,
Vargas, Biagianti, Edusei, Izco;
Martinez, Mascara

Livorno

Amelia;
Grandoni, Pavan, Galante;
E Filippini, Pulzetti, Loviso, Vidigal, A Filippini;
Diamanti; Tristan

This is what happened last time:

Prediction; Livorno 5-3 Catania

Spinesi Mascara and Vargas will score the Catania goals in the 1st half. Then Tristan, Diamanti and Vidigal wil manage to score 5 goals to see Livorno win. Livorno hasn’t had that crazy 7-8 goal game yet this season. Hoping this is the time it happens.

Forza Ragazzi ! Dateci la gioia della vittoria !